doing the han solo

living with the daily hope that someone would come and aid you despite the complexity of your status quo seems like a farfetched and futile idea if your tongue is twisted, your mouth is sealed and your arms, legs and hands are bound to an electric metal pole emitting a super strong nuclear-immuned force field around it.

how can you have faith that some stranger out there will be able to help you, without judging you first?

stuff like how the fcking hell did you end up being tied in that pole in the middle of a small piece of floating land in an ocean anyway?

yeah. it's complicated. but will anyone ever take the time, the risk, and the effort to dive and delve on the complexities of your situation?

i am starting to doubt that anyone else would ever want to add complexities in their lives by involving themselves with you.

it's your problem. deal with it.

that's the mantra echoing in my mind lately.

you can't help people to think that you're a sort of outlaw by getting yourself in this kind of situation. you know, this, being tied in a pole on a floating piece of land. who the hell ever get themselves in that fucking miserable condition where they can't move or scream or do a lot of things at all?

faith.

faith that despite it all, you can find away out of your predicament even without the aid of any other people or force.

you don't want to be a burden to anyone. ever.

never ever think that you are someone or anyone's top priority.
never fall on this trap to keep yourself from internal cuts and aches.

again,

it's your problem. deal with it.

if you think it's hard to trust, perhaps other people are thinking the same way too.
it kind of makes me feel sad but somehow, i think this is how much of the world operate nowadays.

faith.

i don't know where it's coming from but deep down inside of me there is a lake of optimism hidden somewhere.

i know i can get out of this situation.

if not today, soon.