channeling miss saeki

whenever the spotlight of irony licks every vulnerable area of his naked body, he closes his eyes and would always find himself lost inside the labyrinth of pain and pleasure. there, he bathes and basks under the downpour of both happiness and loneliness. it was like an over orgasmic intercourse- you want the pleasure, but the pleasurable becomes unbearable you feel like your being is about to explode and you come to the point where you can’t take it anymore that you want it to stop.

“i wasn’t alone but i was terribly lonely. because i knew that i would never be happier than i was then.”

this is the toll of irony, the curse of being happy. he is happy in many levels. he is happy and contented with what’s happening lately but he is also afraid. the fear of the fading of happiness, the fear of not experiencing the same level of happiness blankets him at night.

maybe he should go look for that entrance to that plane or dimension or universe where time is irrelevant. in that place, maybe it is possible to stay ecstatic in orgasm for as long as he likes. perhaps it will be possible to stay happy for eternity. who knows?

but see, that entrance is a farfetched idea, a fiction, or an invisible, metaphysical, or mythical concept.

“but if you knew you might not be able to see it again tomorrow everything would suddenly become special and precious, wouldn’t it?”

well, maybe that’s the key to preserving some of the many aspects of his happiness- making the simplest of things special and precious. he should spend each day, each moment, each second as if it is his last.

he relaxes himself with those thoughts. goes back to his book and imagine the notes of kafka on the shore playing inside his imagination. later, he will tell the important people of his life how much they mean to him.


*****

all quoted texts are lifted from the lines of miss saeki from haruki murakami’s kafka on the shore translated by philip gabriel in english