letters to YOU and you and you and you and me

last year’s new years eve celebration was simple and perfect. it was warm. cozy and yeah, warm and lovely. being with lovely talented people is really neat. well this year, i dunno, i resolve to not put too much meaning on this year’s new year’s eve. again, it’s just a celebration- some sort of tradition that me and my family and friends celebrate as we grow up. sometime in the course of your lifetime you will learn that you must be man enough to do lots of things on your own as people may not always be there for you. people may not always be physically present. sooo this new years eve, i will be ok and just be positive and be a free spirit!

anyway, read below if you want to and if you have time.

read. read in between the lines and althroughout the semiotics and shit of these words because there are still things lost and stuff that i cannot convey even in words. there are things that you may see and decipher that i may fail to see. so read. please. read so that when i die you will know.

i may die soon. who knows exactly when. not kidding though. in any case, read on:

dear jesus,
thank you. very much for so much. and i hope you don’t get tired of listening to me every morning , every night, every bus and train rides, every walks during the night, and everytime i feel that i am losing my grip and faith in this world. thank you. please do not leave me.

dear mama,
happy birthday! i miss you and i am sorry if i have been very very distant. i should call you today. i wish that i can still feel you especially at this point in my life when i feel very very weak.

dear papa,
please take care of yourself. i wish we could all spend new years eve together with abby.
one day, you will not have to work anymore. i will do better to get you medications. and thank you for raising me and abby and not leaving us.

dear sister,

you are crazy and you never failed to surprise me. i still love you. i always have your back. remember that. always. thank you for your unexpected nuggets of wisdom. happy new year.

dear robotiger,
sorry. i am starting this with an apology for not being adequate to you and for all the wrongs, clinginess and shits that i have done to you and to our relationship. if i fucked it up, then i am really really fuckin sorry.
you are and will always be the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. i love you so much and i care for you. never ever fuckin forget that or i will kick your butt. thank you for being my best friend, my best man, in this town. thanks. you taught me a lot and is still teaching me indirectly. so yeah thanks man. i will always carry a tiger in my heart. thank you. you are one of the most influential persons in my entire life and i mean it. fuhreals.

even if you replace me with someone else, you will always hold a huge suite room in my heart.
what we had was beautiful. so yeah thank you.

you, tiger, with a big heart and a beautiful soul. i will always love you, rt.

dear nene,
do not curse me for calling you nene after some years. thank you. thank you so much and i appreciate it that despite the fuckin hundreds of thousands of fuckin miles of distance, you are still there. you will do great there at europe. see you someday. hopefully soon. you know i love you.

dear neko,
be brave. you keep reminding me that. so be brave. love you neks. sickness will pass. hopefully soon. thanks for the stories and neil gaiman stuff and you know the laughter and the tears. i hope to see you and hug you soon.
i miss your brave soul.

dear kironobu,
you and your friends may look at me as avillain now but hey, i appreciate all of the help and i will pay you soon. hopefully really soon. thanks for helping me with my life and i am sorry for dragging you with my complicated life and mess. just remember that i always appreciate you and that you are special to me. and thank you. and really sorry for all the fuckin troubles. things will be better soon. i totally understand all your sentiments against me. again, i will repay you.

dear mister gume,
thank you for being a patient ear for all my rants and raves and shits. thank you for being an available and amazing friend. the parallelisms of our lives are really weird in so many ways. also, i apologize for you know what. thank you.
go buy a car when you get back.

dear world,
why is my life such a complicated one that gets more and more complicated each day? did i ever sign up for this hardcore boot camp-ish training? whew.
thank you though.
thank you world. anyway, i will never give up.

dear me,
take note to never ever believe fully in people’s words.
be very very wary of trust.
guard your heart. and prolly lock it. it’s safer that way.
pray harder
keep calm.
try to smile always.
you know what to do.
never ever succumb to temporary shits.
at this point, you need something stable.
focus the fuck out!
it will be better.

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