- uhm. you have to understand. we’re just friends. and that’s about it.
he could see her tremble through his periphery as he sped the car 180 over the expressway.
he reached for the volume’s dial and turned it full playing rem’s losing my religion.
her shaky hands tried to tune it down but rene’s hand was quick to hold her’s back.
they traced the highway as if racing with the 18 wheeler trailer trucks and container vans.
rene’s discombobulated mind was clouded with flashbacks of their misinterpreted relationship.
each time he got occasional blindness from the headlights of the approaching vehicles from the opposite way, he was brought back to the afternoon in her dormitory, the evenings on his bed, and the constant morning walks on the village.
he saw himself waiting for her outside their all-girls dormitory gate despite hours of ennui, only to find out that she already went to class.
he saw himself one afternoon eating lunch with her when another afternoon scene instantly followed. he saw himself soaked in sweat after swimming on clouds of kitchen smoke preparing lunch for her, only to find out that she just had lunch with another guy.
he felt her perfectly molded lips once more, he felt her tongue fighting back every kiss he made, and her soft body coated with hot steam of sweat. he saw himself making love with her as if all the time was theirs.
- that's me in the corner
that's me in the spotlight
losing my religion…
more and more images of what he then considered was part of his illusory past flashed vividly as he gained more acceleration on the speedway.
enveloped with fear that something terrible might happen, raika tried to break rene’s train of thoughts by kissing his right cheek.
rene accelerated faster, overtaking vehicles and trucks trailing the speedway. he gave raika a quick glance and focused his way on the road.
- i’m taking you home now.
- rene.wait. you listen first. i like you
- you liked me to use me.
- i did not ask you to do those things for me.
- you know me. you knew i love you. don’t you?
- friendly love. brotherly love.
- we had sex a couple of times sister.
- friendly intercourse.
- i thought we made love.
- made out.
- you moved out.
- no. you disappeared. you sailed on with your career and left me floating alone in the middle of the sea.
- damn. it was just a year! i have to work to live.
- i have a life to live.
- a year isn’t that long to wait.
- a year without any contact is like waiting for the dead to walk again.
- i thought he was boring.
- yes, but he was with me.
- you were rich that’s why you never realize the importance of earning for your living.
- please don’t underestimate me. i do appreciate your efforts.
rene swerved to dodge a speeding trailer truck.
- you’ve said enough. i’m taking you home.
- wait! rene. uhm. you see, my doors are still open for the possibility that, you know. (forced a smile)
as if the words of raika were that powerful, rene stepped hard on the break that put the speeding car into a sudden halt.
flashbacks of rene’s illusory past and present all hurled on his face as an 18 wheeler trailer truck crashed its way on their car.
music still plays:
- Life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes
Oh no I've said too much
I set it up
That's me in the spotlight
Losing my religion …