kiss that shit

i remember saying i don't know when you asked me "how did we get here?'
and by that you mean how did we get to be naked in the middle of a hot make-out session after several months of not being intimate with each other.

although i am physically tired and most of my senses are high as a kite, my brain still works perfectly.

i mean for the record, here's what happened:
i think i fell asleep sideways beside you as the hobbit: desolation of smaug plays on your tv. i have no intentions of touching you. i mean my mind dreams of it but last night i am summoning all of my courage to not touch you and to not place myself in any situation where can hurt me again.

in any case, you came closer to me. or your body came closer to me. from behind you spooned me and hugged me. it felt nice. i do not know how to react so i just let the situation take care of itself. plus as i have mentioned i am motherfucking high as shit. 

then in the midst of spooning me, your hand went inside my boxers and grabbed my dick and then jerked me off. you stopped. at the back of my neck you almost kissed me. i felt your warm breath enveloping my back. i have to admit it felt nice.

after  few minutes or hours (the hobbit is already done) our already sweaty bodies broke off each other. i veered towards the right, you to the left. and then minutes later you spooned me again, was kissing my neck, then jerked me off. good lord that felt nice so i reacted. i twisted my body to face you. you hugged me. closer. our throbbing members rubbing against each other. i tried to kiss you. you resisted. i tried to kiss you. you moved your face away. i tried to kiss you but you closed your lips as if i am some scary shit in front of you. dude that hurts man. i mean, fuck you. i know you woyld rather kiss a motherfucking stranger than me. but hey, fuck you.

then that's the moment when you asked me that fucking question of "how did we get here?"
i persisted. i got the kiss the i wanted. i know you want tol fuck yo i miss you and somehow deep inside me i know that you miss me too.

i miss your body. i miss being intimate with you.

but never again will any intimacy tie me and my emotions to nyone, especially you.

like what i have been telling myself over and over again: never ever let yourself be hurt again.