the show

what do you do when your mind assumes the position of a director and plays unsolicited random cuts of memories and imagery from your brain?

enjoy the motherfuckin wild show.

to be fair, it is pretty sophisticated as it picks and highlights a lot of the most memorable pieces of moments from your mind and of course it takes to a ride on a crazy emotional tsunami.

it's crazy how in the past couple of days i have been thinking so much about you. i miss you. i really really do. i just miss hanging with you. getting faded with you. laughing with you. watching movies with you and holding your hand and hugging you. just those simple shit that we share together. i wanna share things with you. thinking about these things and how you now do these things with whoever kills me. i so wanna fire my director of a brain at the moment but it is too powerful.

i so wanna text you and say hi and probably call you just to hear your voice but it scares me. it scares me that it will trigger more feelings of hurt and pain and i dunno how much more pain i can take from you.

i just don't want to arrive at that point when i feel so numb against you. i just don't want to arrive at that point where i despise you and hate you. you know how i strongly feel about you and i still want you in my life so i just don't wanna go to that place if you know what i mean.

even though there is a really small probability that you will read this blog (and i am assuming that you may assume that this is not about you anyway), i am still posting this here in hopes that one day you will know how much i think of you. and for fuck's sake i still care about you and think of you every single day.

i hope this director cut playing in my brain will end soon.

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