curious case of your lacrimal glands malfunction

you said you never shed a tear before. ever.

well i find it just a little bit odd.

just a little bit.

do you cry? have you ever screamed or shouted at someone?

i mean you don’t really cry? ever?

or is it just an external malfunction.

i am just curious.

i can’t help but wonder about how internal crying operates. is it more painful? is it way cathartic that physically shedding teardrops from your eyes?

well here’s what i think you should do. find a way to release. i mean, you don’t just keep it all in right?

it will explode and you may ruin yourself in the process.

the cop from the film chungking express jogs whenever he feels sad. that way, he avoids crying as he thinks that his tears are being converted into sweat. and that the more he sweats, the more the less tears he can have.

you see, it may seem that your world may have lost its balance from its orbit and axis but if you think about it, you’re still generally fine.

your have lived your life years before him. you know that the essence and meaning of your life doesn’t really depend on him right?

you’re strong. (well this is a subjective matter as i really don’t know him to put him in a very judgmental position but hey, i am a friend and i have self-serving bias towards you)
yes, you fucking are; at least in this scenario and as how i view it.

you are strong because you stayed in the relationship until the very end. you never gave up. he did.

you chose to commit and love with all your heart but you were ignored and shoved aside.

let’s admit it. you were not his priority. it sucks, i know. but come on, man up and face it.

so fucking what? people have varying priorities in life,
levels of love and affection do fluctuate through time.

never ever think that this is the end of the road for you.
you’re not alone.

someone gave up on you. fine. it’s painful and fucking sad but hey, cry it out. scream. be mad and sad about it. wallow in the emotions for a while but arise from it.

just admit that people change and that you can’t make them put you on the top of their list. people have varying priorities in life. now your next goal is to move forward.

there’s a point in my life when i thought that i lost the ability to cry and feel anything.
i felt stoic. i felt like a rock. i allowed my heart to slowly harden thinking that it may keep me from harm and protect me from further pain. it didn’t. internal pain could come to an unbearable point especially if you don’t release it. i erupted, bled, and almost hurt myself more in the process but hey, i survived.

you are a warrior for loving him.

you are stronger for not giving up and committing.

you should never fear solitude.

so rise up and fix that lacrimal gland issue of yours.