no, it was not the night that you think it was. it happened on the day i decided to intoxicate myself with the concocted potion purely made of you.
it was a drink i never realized to be this powerful. from an ounce of shared memories, to a few drops of your life stories flavored with the hundreds of preserved images from the hard drive of my mind, i brewed the drink that will cease the seemingly endless wandering into the sea of hows and whys.
it was that day when the blood that runs on my nerves has been filled with you. since then, each pump from the valves of my heart enables you to circulate my body. since then, you have been a part of my whole system.
i have created a concoction so strong that it possessed my senses. since then, each breath, each smell, each sound, each taste, and each sensation, always contains a part of you.
you brought me to places i never imagined existed. initially i thought you appeared to provide me a great escape, but you proved to be more than that. you provided me refuge, comfort and hope.
through time, i experienced this kind of dependence that most hardcore alcoholics probably experience. despite you’s presence in my veins, there is this insatiable longing and thirst for more. there are days when the insane idea of drowning in the sea of you populates my mind. a sudden absence, or any threat to cleanse me of you either gives me an inevitable pain or an unfathomable sense of emptiness.
there was this night, no it was most probably not the night you think it was, when you tried to purge itself out of my system. i remembered being up all night crying. parts of you flowed until i thought that there was no more you left in me. it was exhausting. but when i woke up, i realized that you can never be taken out of my system that easily.
should the need to concoct a stronger, more intoxicating you that cannot be converted into tears to evaporate, arises, i will do so.