dear mamang,

you are our rose.
please don't leave yet.
your thorns protected me from my mom's desire to let me go even before i saw the blurry light of this world.
your hard protective stems, your thorns of discipline, your vibrant colors of affection, and your petals of inspiration have kept us, your family together for years.
seeing you wither like this breaks me to the roots.

you are the closest i have for a mom.
thank you for teaching me the ways of the street.
thank you for teaching me the ways of the kitchen.
thank you for still accepting me even though i let you down so bad when i was in third grade.
my naivete and immature perceptions of the world forced me to deny you of your entrance to that school parent-student event.

you are a strong beautiful rose so never ever give up.

few nights ago i saw you online. i saw you pointing at an empty space as if you see something.
you pointed.
you said you saw a child.
you said the child looks like me.

you smiled.

you said i will be happy.

then you pointed again.

you said i will be happy with that man.
you just said "that man"
but you never described him.

then when the state of trance that possessed you escaped you, you collapsed on the couch.

you may now be at an uncomfortable bed there at the hospital.
please hang on. we may not be there but we are always here for you.
i the words from this blog gets transmitted to you in whatever kind of way.
i will find ways to keep you longer. mamang, please don't leave us yet.
there's so many people leaving in this world. so stay. stay for a little bit longer.


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