till death do us fart

who would’ve thought that the flavor-filled a la rice crispies fiber enriched snack bar that i just had could be a tool that can make your ass a weapon of mass destruction? not me. i haven’t had the slightest idea until i decided to google about the kashi go lean crunch bars that i found resting on the office pantry. and poof! there go the testimonials made of lol and the wicked hardcore comments that tortured me as i stifled a good laugh.

apparently, the kashi go lean crunch bars and cereals high fiber content have some ingredients that can stir the peace of your digestive system into chaos.

below are some of the comments that made me teary eyed (from repressed laughter) and scared (to drop a stink bomb):

Mrs.Riptootifarts (BOOM!!!) says:
I need help, i was working out at the gym, and i had to hold it in for so long that just as I finished my workout (BLAMMO WHFfffffTTTTTTT PLAH) The whole gym was silent and everyone was staring at me, but thats not the worst. During church at the prayer, I had held it in the whole car ride, service, and had not farted once that day. as soon as the pastor was about to say "Amen" (WWHHHFFFT PBPBPBPFHTR BLAM!) my kids couldnt stop laughing until the end of the service
farts says:
Yeah - this stuff is POTENT.

I cut ass for a solid 10 hours after eating this cereal.

I'm talking mass quantities of air. Almost unbelievable. I still wonder where the sheer volume of air comes from.

Anonymous says:
I'm gassing out my partner as we speak on this potent fuel. Perhaps it could be useful as biodiesel generation feedstock? It's soooo good I just can't resist.

Oops.. I farted again!

Petto (Italian Fart) says:
I made the mistake of eating Kashi GoFart crunch an hour or two before a hearty mexican meal with lots of peppers. Needless to say, my ass was like Mount St. Helens.

anonymous says:
My friend Preston said that Kashi's name should be changed to Happy Golden Farty Crunches. He also says that after eating a bowl for two a day, you could apply for a conceal and carry license,as your ass is a deadly weapon. I laughed laughed so hard I sobbed when reading this site, as it is so true, and made me feel so much better to know I'm not the only one.

ashley says:
ahhahahah thank god, I thought there was something wrong with me!! There is NOTHING like kashi farts in the entire world! my mom literally contained me in one room for an entire day so i wouldn't subject the family to my is pretty humorous how loud it is this stuff still being sold? It tastes good though

Mermaid michele says:
Well! If you'll ALL pardon the pun. I'm feeling GREATLY RELIEVED after searching for Kashi and Gas and finding this page! And adding MY fair share of methane to the atmosphere!
I'm writing through copious tears of gut busting laughter and sympathy! OMFG it's hilarious and tragic all at once!
Because it IS a delicious [and allegedly very healthy] product!
FYI: It isn't just the Go Lean CRUNCH!
IT'S ALSO THE HI FIBER GO LEAN OATMEAL TOO! I know from direct and personal experimentation! LOLOL
Does KASHI know about this? Has anyone here tried contacting them about this??? I'm wondering because the first place I went was to their website to see if there was anyway to talk about this very weird "by-product" that apparently is VERY widespread!
I did find ONE article from a Kashi site that says "flatulence can be a result of eating too much fiber in one sitting or suddenly increasing fiber content rather than gradually increasing fiber content to the recommended 25-32 gms daily."
Hmmmm! Well all I can say is if that's the case then you would think that after months of eating this cereal and not increasing fiber in any other way - shouldnt it go AWAY? SOMEDAY?
Again- from personal experience- it doesnt EVER go away!
I suspect a secret weaponized fiber substance was slipped into our Kashi folks!
OMG I am happy and sad too that my favorite HEALTHY food has such a universally "explosive" impact ! At least I am not blowing in the wind alone!

Amy says:
I hate that I just had to throw a box of this away, because it is DELICIOUS. But it's deliciousness just made me eat more and more and god help anyone in a 1 mile radius of me. It was so embarrassing. I had to cancel a job interview because I knew I couldn't trust myself for 1 hour to keep it in. STINKERS! Jesus. I had suspected it was the cereal for a while and just didn't want to believe it. But now I have my proof. In the form of other fellow Kashi lovers and farters.

AB says:
2 words - RAPID FIRE!
I tried this cereal for the first time this A.M. "Kashi Gas" was what I googled this afternoon, as I hit hour 3 of the most violent, oddly odorless, bout of intestinal gas I have ever experienced. Thankfully my office chair is cushiony & absorbs the noise. I hope there isn't a hole in it when I get up! haha

Chang says:
I kissed the lady in red, it started to get intimate, and I dimmed the lights, next thing you know....WHAMMOOO BRRRFFFT...I couldn't control it and then she walked away. Thanks alot Kashi now I'll never find a wife. I've been eating this delicious shit for years.

Ohio - The Fart of it All says:
After wiping off my computer screen from spraying my tea all over it in a violent outburst of hilarity over these comments, I just have to say THANK GOD I am not alone. I bought Kashi Go Lean about a month ago and ever since the hills have been alive with the sound of my music. Going to the gym has been a real treat, especially because I've had to fear blowing a hole through the guy behind me on the treadmill. Unfortunately, I got my mom hooked on the cereal too and since we run a family business, things have been real interesting around here. Seeing us chowing down on this cereal every day, my da just had to give it a try and in no time flat, the three of us were hard at work trying to blow the roof off. We even grossed the dog out. He was the first one to quit, saying he thought it was the Kashi. Not one to want to give up my big morning bowl of deliciousness, I decided to prove him wrong. Well after googling "Kashi Go Lean" and "gas" I must concede defeat. At least now I know it's not some horrific stomach virus or alien implantation (with the pain and loud gurgling, I was leaning toward the latter). I must go now, this morning's bowl (the last of its kind) is beginning to say HELLO!

exaltron says:
Yesssss! "Kashi + Gas" google search for the win!! I think in my case the addition of soy milk created a singularly powerful flatulence that was both frequent and noxiously malodorous. The slightest whisper of an SBD became a massive WMD for anyone within a ten-foot radius. Combine this with an especially long and crowded subway commute and you have some cranky (even by New York standards) commuters, not to mention probably another large hole in the ozone layer. My carbon footprint would have been smaller had I driven a coal-powered Hummer to work. Thanks Kashi!

Toni-Toots says:
OMG! I have been laughing so hard my mascara is running. I literally could not stop for probably an entire minute (kind of like the farts) I, too, do not eat this stuff when I have to go to work or out anywhere anymore. In fact, since I live alone most of the time, sometimes I'll have it for dinner...and fart all night. Once, and this is the honest truth, I had those humongous farts that were so LOUD that my two cats, who were curled up and sleepingat the foot of the bed, were frightened. The fart not only was so loud it woke me up, it scared them awake, they jumped off the bed and would not come back...and I was laying in bed, laughing hysterically, nearly peeing in the bed on top of the noxious smell... The other Kashi's give you gas too, but nothing like this one...the Kashi Goodfriends is a good can actually live a normal life after eating it!

the fumigator says:
Oh gosh this post has some hysterical comments. This stuff should be called Kashi Go Lean In The Other Direction, because what you read here is true. The noxious, pervasive, gag-inducing flatulence produced from this cereal is mind and nose boggling. If you want to be guaranteed some ammo to dutch oven your significant other with, have this as a late night snack and just wait for it to work it's magic. Wholly satisfying.

damn. it made me lol so hard in the insides i swear i could’ve developed some abs.

now confusion got me. it’s either i got this minor shy gas emissions from the kashi bar or from the repressed laughter that i managed to pull off.

below is a video from saturday night live which (according to many consumers) could sum up the effects of the kashi go lean crunch:


video source here.

kashi naman eh!


dBlah said...

sponsored? hehe
ang kulit eh :))

bulitas said...

hahaha sadly, totoo ito at hindi paid. LOL

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...