karma is a digital bitch

somewhere in the parallel universe of the mclovin timeline, a self-proclaimed billionaire who drinks botox and unicorn blood tries to buy karma from the mundu. the mundu refuses her initial offer saying that karma is priceless. it belongs to the universe and therefore is not entitled to any master. but the self-proclaimed billionaire woman is adamant. she wants to own karma that bad that she offers the mundu all of the money from one of her swish bank accounts just to get her hands on karma. since the status quo of that parallel universe dictates that the mundu is a little short on funds to finance the facilitation and rehabilitation of their growing civilzation and religion, they accepted the offer of the self-proclaimed billionaire woman.

after all the legal rights and documents that concern karma is given to the self-proclaimed billionaire woman, she downloads karma immediately from the mundu’s highly protected spiritual server. mind you, all of the self-proclaimed billionaire woman’s transactions are done over the latest and most advanced wireless telecommunication devices.

the self-proclaimed billionaire woman keeps karma chained to her side, making her immune from its powers of creation and destruction.

she starts preaching about life, giving away immeasurable amounts of hope in short-lived false sparks, offering empty promises, feigning the act of kindness, and expressing acts of concern to many people while ingeniously asking for money.

with karma on her side, she feels she can do anything. sans the feeling of being accountable to your neighbor, plus the silence of the voices of her conscience, she continues to lure people into the pits of her money sucking religion.

one day, she encounters a family of 3 wandering in the deserts of nobaddah- a father, a daughter and a son. for almost 2 years, the family has been searching for an oasis that could quench their thirst. the self-proclaimed billionaire woman offers help. with karma on her side, she let loose all the promises and sparks of false hopes under her sleeves. in a short time, possibly only a little faster than the speed of light, the family sees the glistening waters of the oasis nearby.

the self-proclaimed billionaire woman took the family to her side, while continuously filling them up with the air of her promises and false hopes. of course, she tells them the rules of her trade- equivalent exchange. “i give you something, you give me some money back” is her motto. she has karma, she has the promise of the oasis, and she wants the family’s money.

for weeks, she feeds the family with the idea of what they want while feeding herself of the money that they have.

“are you really going to bring us to the oasis?” the family asked in chorus.

“but of course i will!” said the self-proclaimed billionaire woman.

“i know karma! (i have karma!- she said to herself while grinning for 2 secs) what gives you the idea that i will fool you? karma is a bitch, fyi.”

“ok, for the love of your frail impatient conscience, i will bring you to the oasis on the 24th day of the desert month when the moon transforms into a boomerang with sharp edges. that’s a promise.”

soon the moon slowly waxes itself from a huge whitehead in the face of the sky to being a sliced volleyball with zits. at this point, the family is at the brink of losing every single bit of money at their disposal. when the self-proclaimed billionaire woman realized this, she suddenly announced her withdrawal from her promises to the family.

“no, there is no oasis, and i will not be bringing you to any goddamn place that you want!” and then she disappeared in a snap. nobody knows she possess the powers of teleportation until then.

and so the family is left with nothing but bare, dry, and parched, bacon crispy skin in the midst of the nobaddah desert.

a big sigh steams from the depths of the father the daughter and the son’s esophagus. then what seems to be an eternal silence follows.

“don’t despair my dears. i’m back to do my job.” said a voice coming from an angelina jolie figure with the face of a brunette scarlett johansson emerging from the thick ribbons of dust and sand.

“karma. i’m karma my dears.”

“you’re a woman?” asked the son.

“no.”

and in an instant, the figure transformed into a tall dark muscled man with a rey langit manly kind of voice.

“i am neither man nor woman. i am neither good nor evil. i am owned by no one. don’t you guys ever dare say that justice escapes the universe. smile. let me do my job.” he waves his hand to them and a whirlpool of sand and dust envelopes the family in the desert.

meanwhile, somewhere in the mountains of the himalayas, the self-proclaimed billionaire woman looks at her aged reflection at the mirror. she never knew that using her power cuts a relative amount of youth from her body. still, she smiles, counting all the moolah she got from her journeys. she have a fair amount to pay for her botox and to buy some unicorn blood. in any case, she can still get money from people by establishing her money sucking religion somewhere in the planet. “karma is still with me.” she says aloud.

“i am owned by no one.”

the self-proclaimed billionaire woman turns around in surprise. a figure, who looks like her, only more youthful and charming, stares directly at her from the frame of the door.

“yes, it is me. and your contract has expired.”

the self-proclaimed billionaire woman, with jaws slowly dropping to the floor, started to turn red.

“your roach-brained lawyers who think and act like you did not read the papers do you?”

in a rattled, disturbed and trembling voice, the self-proclaimed billionaire woman said, “bbbbut i have bought you from the mundus!”

“it’s time to wrap this shit up.”

and a loud big bang of an explosion took place in the self-proclaimed billionaire woman’s room. the explosion is so loud that it turned the planet quiet for minutes. it’s like it happened outside the spheres of the planet. a vacuum sucked all the negative and positive energies of the planet. silence.

and with a blink of an eye, things go back to what seems to be the way they used to be minutes before the grand explosion of silence.

the self-proclaimed billionaire woman is still in front of the mirror, only this time, her skin is covered with thousands of lumps that are destined to itch like hell. karma appears near the door, devoid of any physical form.

“you can start scratching until it bleeds.”