the oompf factor

it is as vague as the feeling i felt after i learned from you that you are sharing your body and what have you with a new acquaintance.

part of me claims that i am hurt, or rather, my ego is hurt by the fact that you no longer own me, that you have disowned me eons ago, that i can no longer breathe your breath, that i can no longer hear your sobs, that i can no longer feel you heart by my chest, that the echoes of your voice can no longer haunt my memory.

part of me claims that i should pity you; that i should at least feel sorry for what happened to you, but part of me tells me that you are old enough to take responsibility over your actions.

part of me claims that i should still feel responsible for you, that despite the geographic and emotional distance, you can never erase the fact that you have become a huge part of my life as a very important person and as a friend.

part of me claims that i should be mad, that the bruised ego should at least retaliate, that the defeated spirit should at least put up a fight, that i should have done something and that i should have been more violent; but i easily forgive. i hope i forget easy too.

part of me claims that i should be happy for you, that you have move on with your life the way you wanted it to happen, that you are happy, that you can do whatever pleases you and that somebody is making you feel happy and loved.

part of me claims that i should now leave you with your life, that you are and will always be a free soul, that the world can never own you, that your heart is mature enough to beat for who it thinks is the right for you, that you are now a lady ready to face the world without tears in your eyes, that i have to live my life as well, that we can always remain friends and that you have the total control of your life.

see, this feeling is as vague as evangelista’s network shift to gma 7, or maybe as vague as the rice crisis, as vague as victoria becham’s blank expression on the photos, or as vague as the uncertain future, or as vague as the animals sounds at the zoo, or as vague as the babies’ cries, or as vague as a psycho mind, or as vague as this post.


wanderingcommuter said...

the paradox of your concept of vagueness is as solid as it striked me.
i was speechless after reading this.
hopefully, everything will fall the way you wanted or atleast you are ought it to be.
keep smiling!

Anonymous said...

tea and sympathy...may you find comfort in uncertainty

Tinggay said...

I'm sorry.
It's always tough to lose someone but its tougher to accept that you have to let go.

Kris Canimo said...

heart's network shift is... stupid.
hahaha galing ng command of words.

bulitas said...

@wanderingcommuter: thanks.

@tagabukid: =)

@piebuko: yes, true

@kris canimo: salamats sa pagbisita! apir!

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