all lights red

impromptu stops in the midst of a moving traffic kills.

blame it on my eagerness to cross the street. i pushed the “cross the street” button several times to catch the bus from the other side of the road but unfortunately, the traffic lights went berserk and then red lights from all directions, more like the eyes of medusa, stunned the eyes of its victims lulled under the spell of the morning rush. people knocked people in front of them, vehicles hit other vehicles from behind, and a flood of thoughts crashed into the mind like waters in rage against a dam.

last monday i asked the mighty force of the universe to give me any form of exercise aside from the daily pseudo jogs to catch the bus and the train. and guess what? immediately after i arrived at the office, my boss asked me to load, unload and carry boxes and boxes of products to the trailer truck for shipment. nah. the boxes weren’t that heavy. it only weighs an average of 20 kilos per box.

since monday, i’ve carried more or less 400 boxes of goods to the truck. the slight improvement of my horizontally stretching physique compensated the assault of subtle muscle pains. at the end of each day, the swollen muscles would always remind me how physically challenged i am. those are the moments when you find yourself suddenly stuck in the state of rest, pause, or any limbo in space where the concocted feelings of pain, fear, apprehensions, weaknesses, regrets and insecurities hit you in a frenzy. it is the fall down the abyss of a seemingly ceaseless introspection.

wallowing in as many activities as you can, engaging in as many engagements as possible, and doing multiple things at the same time could keep you from the blows of your emotions. keeping yourself and your mind preoccupied creates a diversion that could last until your physical and mental prowess wanes. but that’s the deal, your physical and mental limitations would eventually slide you down the abyss of introspection. it’s good if you can control your pace so that you don’t get hit by your past and you don’t bump into your future worries, but life fucks us all in mysterious ways. and sometimes, you encounter red lights in all directions without warning.

the thought of beating the red lights consumed me after minutes of swimming in the pool of confusion, but i’m glad i succumbed to patience that i met a new bus friend who happened to live just a few blocks away from our place. she carries a light spirit that makes bus rides less susceptible to introspective pauses.