torpe

i should have sealed the day with a kiss and told you, that despite the lack of fireworks that will send bright sparks to the atmosphere, i am really thankful that you decided to meet me and spend the whole day with me.

i should have hugged you tighter. no, i should have hugged you the whole day just to make you feel how much i’ve missed you.

i should have bought you the disney grumpy hat that you like. i should have bought while you were trying some other hats and then surprise you afterwards.

i should have brought you flowers, not just a bunch of ripped movies burned in dvds.

i should have held you hand when you told me that you’re feeling cold instead of holding the camera to take snaps of mickey and his friends.

i should have told you that the joy i felt last night was more than therapeutic to the stress of the mind that it surpassed all the blows of physical pain in my legs after the whole day walk at the park. it was almost spiritual for me.

i should have told you that i’d love to hear more of your stories and that i am more than willing to listen without any judgment at all.

i should have told you that you were prettier than before.

i should have told you that it was the most magical day of my life yet. dreams really do come true in that place. i should have told you that i’ve had dreams of meeting you; dreams of spending time with you, dreams of sharing stories with you and dreams of laughing with you.

i should have been braver to kiss my fears and apprehensions goodbye, so that next time memories would not require the colorful sparks of fireworks to brighten up the atmosphere.

to ramiele malubay and her league of fans

dear ramiele,

although you murdered one of my favorite songs tonight (alone sung by heart), i still like you. for one, i find you adorable, plus, you have the voice of a popstar. by merely making it to the top ten, you have made filipinos around the globe proud. thank you.

lately, your performances are so so and could have been below the mediocre line and got you booted out but thanks to the thousands of people who voted for you who have high hopes that you can still pull yourself together and deliver a spectacular performance.

you have to remember that the show is not all about voice. it is given, most of you, who remained in the show have your own unique and great vocal prowess. what you guys compete against each other is your song delivery, your overall performance; how you carry yourself in the stage, how you owned the song, how you move the audience, how you inspire people, how you make the listeners fall in love with your song).

in order to convince the audience with your performance, you have to first believe in yourself. you can feign your lack of confidence with your smiles, but you can never cover it with your voice. ramiele, for chrissakes, feel your songs, own it, and nail it!

never let yourself be distracted by external forces. don’t get mesmerized by the glitz and glamour of hollywood, it’s all deceiving. just do your thing, sing not just to impress the judges, but to ouch the hearts of your audience. treat each performance as your make or break performance. perform as if it’s your grand concert. own the stage, be one with the music, give life and soul to the song you sing.

remember that you join that competition to win, not just to impress a few people. keep your senses plugged from your detractors. focus.sing with dedication, sing with a heart. feel the song, that’s your key to success.

i am rooting for your success. i know you can make it if you want to.

remain humble and cease to compare yourself from others too much. you are unique and wonderful in your own way. maximize what you have.

all the best to you.

god bless

the following are the seemingly racy pictures of ramiele malubay that spreading from the world wide web

miller saved me tonight

big thanks to the few bottles of miller genuine draft i was able to forget that my head has been acting like velcro since yesterday. clothes, fabrics, strings, threads, and anything that the could possible stick with the velcro also sticks with my hair. this disaster would not occur if only i have clipped my hair in a sober state. i only wanted a trim. unfortunately, the hair clipper’s blades were starving and ate up a huge portion of hair in one area. so i have no other choice but to shave my head off.

i could have gone to the barber but thinking about the 12$ haircut with a pseudo hair-cutter/stylist is not worth it. one hispanic hairstylist shaved my hair in such frenzy and speed that in less than five minutes, she declared her triumph over my hair. after the disaster, i was tempted to ask her if she was even a genuine coiffeuse, or rather a peluquero, but i restrained myself and instead chose to purchase my own hair clipper.

since then i’ve been cutting my own hair, trying out different ways to effectively cut it in style. but some things really required mastery. though i could usually trim both sides of my head with success, i would always find it hard to trim the back area. mastery of arm and neck contortion is required to get the perfect cut. although you have mirrors around you, if you cannot effectively reach and trim the area you wanted, your hair will end up in a disaster.

disaster happens when your head, although it enjoys the feeling of liberation from your thick hair, picks up not only clothes, fabrics, threads and other velcro loving materials, but also magnets hundreds of thoughts and ideas that lingers and floats into the vast area of the mind.

it is such an uneasy feeling, trust me. attracting thoughts, mostly uninvited, and keeping them in your head for days is torture.

easter sale

for your bad girlfriends

for your bad boyfriends

the transforners!

superman snugglers. this is the scariest superman toy i've ever seen in my life

all for money's sake. oh lord.

thickest, oldest, ice melts

you emerge from the water like an iceberg that has been submerged and frozen in time, deep in the ocean of my subconsciousness; melting, pouring yourself and sailing the vast areas of solid water, embracing your kind, blending with the rest of the seemingly blank layers of ice.

unlike before, you are empty, colder and nothing but melting ice. you can never drown the ocean, the seas and the river with yourself. you are just an ice from the past, and today is your time to blend with the ocean of memories long gone.

______________

"it's like looking at a hollywood set," meier said of an arctic largely covered with younger ice. "it may look ok but if you could see behind you'd see ... it's just empty. and what we're seeing with the ice cover is it's becoming more and more empty underneath the ice cover."

hiatus from flight

my descent to the city of angels brought me face to face with angels of various colors. there are the white angels, those who would always appear pure as they grace the streets with their light; the yellow angels, who shines with gold in their skin; the black angels, who are often feared because of their association with the shadows, but are really sensitive and compassionate; the brown angels, who usually populate the streets, plus more other angels of various hues and colors born out of the evolution of the city.

each angel is busy roaming around the city. most of them going in circles, forming inner circles with the other angels, creating ripples of paths for all of them to cross as they walk along the boulevards of the city of make believe. most of them carry their wings as if it is a burden attached to their body. it was as if all the freedom that it once gave them became futile as they landed on the city for refuge.

in the city of angels, everyone is chasing and hiding away from time, everybody seems to be looking for someone, and everybody is longing for some place to belong. though some angels here have learned to create their niche and some have even vowed to clip their wings, the city will always be just a resting place. an area where angels of various cultures and traditions meet and interact with each other to find comfort, to earn fortune, to breathe change and to wander around.

not all angels who wander in the city are lost.

pacgod.

no other force has tamed the philippine islands like that of manny pacquiao.

streets and major roads breathe from the usual traffic jams, crime rates drop to zero, areas of conflicts experience ceasefires, communities unite under the same television set and most people take their breaks from work to witness pacquiao’s moments of pain and glory.

the few minutes of boxing rounds were almost like the holy week of the roman catholics; air of peace rules the atmosphere, people embark on exodus to their provinces, the religious flock their way to church, and the vehicles of edsa are swept to other parts of the country. but unlike the holy week, that is limited only to the roman catholics (pious and catholics at heart), pacquiao’s influence extends over people of various religious orientations, ethnicities and beliefs.

marimar may have thousands of followers, but she only roused the physical senses of her fans. willie could have influenced legions of audience but tito vic and joey also eats their share of the pie. mrs arroyo may have felt she possess the highest power in the nation, but she fails to reconcile, even for a day, the disputes of the islands. pacquiao, whenever he fights, ties together the 7,107 islands of the philippines in spirit and in hope.

no man has ever commanded the people to unite, even for just a few minutes, to hope and pray for him. no man has ever influenced advertisers to use his face, despite not being a model (with the usual face that appeals to the masses), to carry their brand. no man has been blessed with so much luck that after all the blows of controversies and the jabs of issues against him, he stood victorious.

and whether marquez says

"i don't like the decision...i still feel i am the champion. it was a bad decision. that first knockdown, he got me cold, but then i adjusted my game plan and i thought from then on, i dictated the whole fight. ... the people are the best judge, and the people are booing him. i won."

pacquiao could always say

"i don't think so... this business is over."

he’s no more pacman, he’s the pacgod.

wanted dream interpreters

legions of scantily-clad modelicious babes gathered on top of the plateau with willie revillame. each take their designated place like marionettes controlled by an enormous hand with hundreds of fingers. they all looked the same, like they do when they appear on tv. even the main girls of the host (usually mariel rodroguez, precious lara quigaman and valerie concepcion) almost look like the other girls, if not for the yellow ribbons they wore on their heads.

people flocked the foot of the plateau despite the incessant biting of the afternoon sun. they lined up on both sides of the dust-covered road clearing a path for what appeared to be a grand entrance of a very important figure. then, not long after the crowd has settled, i witnessed the march of the most disturbing family i have ever seen. fidel ramos, holding hands with gloria arroyo, was guiding what appeared to be a shrunken imelda marcos. the crowd cheered as they slowly parade their way to the road. although a voice inside me told me that something’s not right, the milieu dictated the event to be true, and at all cost, real. as people rejoiced, confetti rained over the place while the legion of willie danced in the tune of a novelty song that i have just heard. thundering claps dominated heaven and earth. imagine people power in the mountains, with all sorts of people making all sorts of noise as if it was new year’s eve happening in midday.

as the family made their way up the plateau, willie chanted words beyond my comprehension. soon, the people followed, then i saw the largest novelty ensemble ever. then willie raised tha arms of gloria, fidel and imelda. all the people followed.

then they declared the wowowee republic.

to hell with sinners, more sins from the vatican

the last time i felt extremely guilty and sinful was way back 2^nd year high school after i’ve finished reading a copy of the catechism of the catholic church and some excerpts from the vatican 2. no, it wasn’t a required reading. i just wanted to sound more rational and intelligent on my religion classes that’s why i bothered to read those materials. and behold! i never felt so sinful in my life since then. it was as if everything you do is a sin and that as if whatever you do to compensate for it is futile.

it felt sick. the fear of the future of my soul and spirit filled me with fear; fear to feel the punishment of hell, fear to commit any more sin that could stain my already rotten soul. it took almost a month before i decided to dump those thoughts of sin away from my memory and live my life like a normal person free from the worries of the metaphysical hell.

and now, lo and behold! the vatican has just released their new list of sins*.

“thou shall not pollute the earth. thou shall beware genetic manipulation. modern times bring with them modern sins. so the vatican has told the faithful that they should be aware of "new" sins such as causing environmental blight”

isn’t there enough listed sin on the church doctrines for the roman catholics? more sin equals more souls in hell!

hello catholic geneticists, biologists, and all of you who cause environmental blight, good luck on your souls.

well, it all boils down to you and your personal recognition and acceptance of your sin. for the pious people, there’s always the sacrament of penance and reconciliation. it’s also up to you if you will allow guilt to dominate your body and soul.

_____

*my religion teacher who happened to look like christ as depicted in pictures said that it’s a fallacy to say sins, since sin is never singular nor plural

mariah's ken lee song

whew. this made me happy for a while.

janina san miguel, just right for ms world

thanks to the internet i was able to get a scoop on this:

paolo bediones: janina, how are you?
janina san miguel: fine.
paolo bediones: alright, so you won two of the major awards - best in long gown, best in swimsuit, do you feel any pressure right now?
janina san miguel: no, i don’t feel any pressure right now.
paolo bediones: confident! alright! please choose a name of the judge.
paolo bediones: we have miss vivian tan.
vivian tan: good evening.
janina san miguel: good evening.
vivian tan: the question is, what role did your family play to you as candidate to binibining pilinas?
janina san miguel: well, my family’s role for me is so important b’coz there was the wa- they’re, they was the one who’s… very… hahahaha… oh i’m so sorry, ahhmm… my pamily… my family… oh my god.. i’m… ok, i’m so sorry… i… i told you that i’m so confident… eto, ahhmm, wait… hahahaha, ahmmm, sorry guys because this was really my first pageant ever b’coz i’m only 17 years old and ahahaha i, i did not expect that i came from, i came from one of the top (taft) 10. hmmm, so… but i said that my family is the most important persons in my life. thank you.

janina san miguel, 17, was candidate number 15 of the recent binibining pilipinas peagent. she was crowned bb. pilipinas-world which means she will represent the philippines at the upcoming miss world beauty peagent.

i’ve read that she had just won as a runner-up at a beauty contest in the university of the east.

it’s quite amusing how the buzz she created on the various media and social channels underscores some points about most filipinos.

-most filipinos who have been baptized with the literacy of the english grammar have evolved as ruthless grammar nazis. filipinos seem to have that extra sense to spot almost any faulty sentence construction, pronunciation, and subject-verb agreement towards other people but themselves. the filipino people appeared to have developed the habit of criticizing and making fun of people who can’t fluently communicate with the english language as if it was a crime.

-our loyalty to the english language is one clear proof of our colonized mentality. seems like we haven’t realized how our unconscious view of english as the superior language put as in front of a double-edged sword. it works for us in such a way that we can connect and communicate to the world, to america, and to other countries who speak the language. this could mean more job opportunities(?), an advantage during job interviews, and our easy assimilation of the culture and ways of the english speaking nations.

on the otherhand, our attempts to use the english in almost every aspect of our lives, makes the communication process more vague and confusing. take for instance the public officials who would speak the distorted english language during tv interviews. most of them can hardly convey their message to their audience, and that was never a good thing. people from the government would debate, discuss and brawl using the (again, distorted) english language, which brought more chaos and confusion to the air. will it hurt if they speak filipino in the court or in the senate hearings? can some expert correct me on this one, is it really prohibited to converse in filipino during government proceedings?

-filipinos love to pay attention to mundane things that actually shouldn’t be taken that seriously. say for example the pregnancy of a teen starlet, or the fight of lolit solis and annabelle rama. really, would it make you any richer if you know any tiny detail about their personal issues? in the case of the recent bb. pilipinas pageant, well, it’s a beauty peagent, what do you expect. and besides, even if she screwed up her answer to the question, she may have other qualities that the judges were looking for. she has the body, and the looks. isn’t that what beauty pageants are all about? come on, the organizers should’ve just staged a national quizbee for women in gown and swimsuit if they were really eyeing for smart girls in the competition. having the brian-beauty and body combo is just a plus. but it’s usually the beauty and the body package (plus the pseudo humanitarian personality) that stands out in these competitions.

the judges did nothing wrong. they did their job; that is to evaluate and judge the contestants based on their overall performance. let’s show some love and quit bashing the girl. let’s pardon her for leaving her brain, perhaps at the dressing room, since it appeared that she had enough confidence in her spirit to back up her beauty and body.

she’s charming, though. what’s the fear about her representing the country if she can’t communicate well in english? she can use an interpreter/translator. other candidates do that. i bet she can provide a more concrete and logical answer if she will be given the chance to speak in her native tongue.

besides, isn’t amusing that the politics of the beauty pageant industry is also in sync with the politics of the philippine government? beauty over quality. that’s the fad of this era. good economy over effective and quality governance. a seemingly peaceful image tamed and repressed by political fiascos over the loud clamor of freedom.

the philippines is lucky to have a candidate to the ms world beauty pageant that (in one way or another) represents the irony of the country; a reigning queen of beauty and body sans the commonsense and wits.

____________

now feast yourselves over these links:

bb pilipinas

youtube video of the actual question and answer portion

related stories

three months from now

lethal vapors of freedom, long hidden and repressed underground by those who have the power, will surface the earth and consume the spirits of the people under the spell of severe lethargy and apathy. weapons of mass destruction will have no match against the power of the youth and the students, who have the innate ability to deflect bribery.


there will be blood, just like what you see when you close your eyes and point your head towards any bright light. the soldiers that barricade the entry points to the city will all be powerless against the raging river of protest coming from all directions. the clamor for reform will ignite the fire of a civil war. many will have to sacrifice their blood to cleanse and bathe the land to pave the way for the children of the future.

should the oppressive ruler not leave her throne, even more terrible things could happen. those who chose to remain under the comforts of the cloak of apathy will slowly be choked by the vapors of freedom.

you see, civil war is the panacea, that is according to the nostradamus i’ve met last saturday. after he delivered his prophecy, he immediately left the law office without giving us any chance to ask him any questions. he seemed to be sure of his words.
i will surely extend my stay in this place of make-believe and i will have to get a decent bride soon.

how to spell slut

years ago i was a high school cadet who loved to follow orders from my officer. whether it was to run the perimeter of the school quadrangle back and forth for at least thirty times, to roll over the ground and have myself baked at the mid-day sun, to run errands for the whole officer corps for no logical reason at all, or to do a hundred on the spot push-ups, i did it. who doesn’t? long before the trend of hair rebonding reached the mass media, she was already crowned with an uber straight hair that effortlessly emphasized the contours of her face, her strong jaw, her flawless skin, her rounded eyes, and her pouty lips. add to that the mesmerizing aroma of her hair that fills the air with a scent of fruity sweetness and the aura of innocence like those of freshly picked flowers. she disarms her army with her smile, which she does in extreme rarity that the act has achieved a status of a reward to those who wait in vain just to see it.

she carried herself with such a strong sense of discipline that despite the discrepancy of our age (she’s a sophomore, i’m a high school senior back then), she was able to command my mind, my body, as well as my heart. i fell for her.

back then, i admit i’m a dope who would carefully plan every detail of my move to woo her and catch her attention. the slowpoke soul in me wasted a month of evening phone conversations subtly stating my intentions, post-school meetings that usually ended up as a “my treat, anything for you!” session, and countless smiling moments every time i would get a smile back from her.

one day, when i got that gut feeling of expressing my intentions and feelings for her, she called me and told me with the spirit of a child, that she has just got herself a boyfriend. the guy courted her for an hour. she already had 29 boyfriends before that. i can’t believe i fell for her trap. sluts have great smelling hair.

____

on the event that i was about to give her my valentine gift, (which was a singing dog) she sent me a message via myspace that totally barred me from making any form of communication with her.

“HUY KUNG PWEDE NAMAN SNA WAG U MAG TXT SA CP KASE NAG AAWAY NA KMI NG BF K0H.. TSAKA YUNG SA FRIENDSTER.. PLSS LANGG.. YAW K0 LANG KSE NG GUL0”

[hey, if possible, please do not send sms messages in my cellular phone because my boyfriend and I have been fighting…and the thing on friendster…please…I just don’t want any trouble]

how’s that from someone who dated you and claimed that she was single since the day you’ve met her at the church? almost every person in her clan claims that she’s single and that she’s available. oh come on, single my ass! why can’t some people just be real in the first place? i don’t care if she lives in a world painted with pink, i don’t care if she likes hello kitty very much, i don’t care if she’s a shopaholic who just wears abercrombie and victoria’s secret, i don’t care if her teeth are not properly aligned, i don’t care if her flabs are screaming wild like crazy under her shirt, i just wanted her to be honest.

don’t get me wrong, i don’t have any romantic intentions with her. i just wanted to be friends with her since my aunt referred he to me. if only she could have been more open and honest. oh well, sluts type in bold letters, ALL CAPS.

_____

under certain circumstances, i understand, that some people would do extreme measures to desperately satisfy their needs; whether you pick up a stranger from somewhere, or you date someone that you just met, or you engage yourself in quickies, it’ s an obvious act of desperation. anything that involves any act with a stranger beyond pure business talk is like opening a door to many possibilities, like the pit of desperation. you wouldn’t really want to involve yourself with a total stranger unless you wanted something more from him/her is it?

ok, out of desperation (maybe) i succumbed to her plan of tryst. she’s a total stranger, a stunner, and a driver of a hot sports car. i admit it felt special having a hot momma as your driver and as your date. it felt even more special when your date was being nosy about your commitments and relationships while leaning her body towards you for warmth. we spent a great night. she drove me home and we’ve been calling each other since she sent me an sms one night:

“hey, dnt get offended, may bf nko eh. pwede panama taung friends ryt?”

[hey, don’t get offended. i already have a boyfriend. we can still be friends ,right?]

a friend told me once that those people who date other people while under a committed relationship are just side venturing. what the hell?! why are you doing side ventures for? come on! you wouldn’t desperately meet up with a stranger if you have a boyfriend, or a functional boyfriend to the least. considering the context of this scenario, why can’t some people state it straight away if they do not want some people? come on. sluts can be friendly. they can drive hot cars. they can fuck your mind off till you get over with them.