kung bakit wala akong abó sa noo

abó akong inayawan na ng ningas kamakailan lang.

madalas kahawak-kamay ko ang hangin.

noong una’y, siya ang nagpapaningas ng aking mga baga.
nang lumao’y, siya rin ang umihip sa mga ito hanggang sa lubayan na ako ng kanilang ningas.

abó akong pilit yumayakap sa hangin kahit na madalas ako nitong tangayin sa kawalan.
kasama ko ang hanging dumadampi sa ice cream na tinitinda sa kalye, kasama ko ang hangin na sumasawsaw sa starbucks coffee sa ortigas, kasama ko ang hangin na sumisilip sa loob ng mga balota tuwing eleksyon, kasama ko ang hangin na naglalakbay sa maitim na baga ng traffic enforcer sa crossing, kasama ko ang hangin sa pakikipag-ilagan sa mga bacteria ng plema ng taong may tb, kasama ko ang hangin sa pagligo, sa pagkain, sa panonood ng sine, at sa kung saan-saan pang lugar; subalit di ko kasama ang hangin sa pagbubuo ng apoy ng aking mga pangarap.

alam kong nakapagdesisyon na ang hanging nakilala ko. pilit niya akong isasama sa mga paglalakbay niya, subalit sigurado akong di na niya ako muling hihipan upang magbaga at magningas.
mula noo’y abó na lang akong kuntento sa mundo.

abó akong madalas apakan, langhapin, gawing kasangkapan, at pinapahid kung saan-saan.
ang mga abóng nilalagay sa noo ay tanda na ang mga bahagi kong naiiwan sa bawat taong nakakasalamuha ko ay nahihipan ng hangin, nahuhugasan ng tubig at napupunasan ng kamay.

sawa na akong matapakan, laghapin, at maipahid lang kung saan-saan.
hindi tamang umasa na lang sa ihip ng hangin para muling magningas.

more shit on the ears

if you thought hearing bubblegum pop music from stations like 90.7 love radio, alam mo na yan 101.9 for life!, i-fm 93.9 and 102.7 star fm was too much, then hear this: what used to be 97.1 campus radio wls fm was now re-formatted to baranggay ls fm which plays music purely pinoy pop and novelty songs.

the re-format won't be complete without changing the names of the resident jocks from john hendrix to johnny baby, the triggerman to boss-sir-amo, hot lips liza to churvilyn and jimmy jam to atong bomb

now that's commercialization working over music quality. the radio station must have probably seen the need to expand to a larger reach of audience by making a 180 degree turn from the usual pop to pinoy bubblegum pop and novelty.

i have nothing against pinoy pop and novelty. the existence of such genre of music
has actually opened the listeners to diversed types of music which broadens their perspective over the various types of music playing in the airwaves worldwide.

what's disturbing with the trend is that quality music (what i mean when i say quality involves a good set of lyrics as well as an acceptable musical arrangement)was compromised with the need to generate profits from a larger scale of audience.

hearing more chipmunk and surreal distorted voices similar to mahal and on-air mockery with a high level of novelties like boom tarat and spaghetti can be a disturbing scenario in the philippine music arena.

the trend of radio station re-formatting was not new. since a number of radio channels emerged in the philippine airwaves, radio station managers have been changing from one format and genre to another, testing if they would click to the larger market or not.

fm radio, being one cheap form of entertainment available, does not necessarily entail cheap quality. radio station managers should reflect more on the quality of the music they play on the airwaves.
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a dj friend from the former campus radio texted me over the weekend asking help to bring back LSfm to its former format by signing to this online petition:
http://www.petitiononline.com/boolsfm/petition.html
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on the the lighter side, i've heard the voice of king dj logan dominating the airwaves of magic 89.9 after taking years of hiatus. i hope the station would put slick rick and king dj logan back in tandem.
king dj logan has been one of my favorite local jocks since i've learned to appreciate the importance of fm radio in my life.
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You liked me till' you heard my shit on the radio
Well I hate to say but pop aint' going solo
You liked me till' you heard my shit on the radio
But now I'm just too mainstream for you, oh no
You liked me till' you seen me on your t.v.
Well if you're so low below then why you watching
You say good things come to those who wait
Well I've been waiting a long time for it

-nelly furtado, shit on the radio

calluses and caress after the febfair

1. wearing a 7 ½ sized shoe for your 8 ½ sized feet

2. picking up the trash left on the freedom park grounds for a week

3. inevitable running (despite the presence of calluses on each finger and sole of your feet) to beat the deadlines and to meet with the people you really don’t like to meet

4. dealing with emotionally unstable people from all walks of life and compromising your personal comforts

5. denying yourself of sleep. yes, sleep debt at its finest!

6. tolerating muscle and body spasms before the attempt to rest every 4 am

7. thinking of ways to get even with a narrow-minded, short sighted, dim-witted and horse-like social sciences teacher in the university who repeatedly accuse the student council of things she herself did not know

8. having no time to do your manuscript, which is by the way your key to graduation

9. waking up late in the morning and failing to submit one of your major papers on time

10. being accused of rubbing your face in someone else’s boobs

11. skipping meals for a week- saves you money but burns your stomach

12. realizing the opportunities that have slipped away from your grasp because of the failure of your group members

13. talking with major tv network personnel who lacks in effective communication skills and work ethics

14. shunning away the recurring thoughts of your girlfriend despising one of the happiest day of your life-your graduation

*watching Philippine bedtime Stories for free
*having a participative weather for a week. thank god the rain didn’t pour at all
*pulling off the febfair despite all the glitches
*experiencing your pillow’s embrace
*receiving a hug from your loved one

browse

the irony of doing a practicum manuscript is the fact that it is much easier than all other academic paper requirements that drains not just your creative juices, but every drop of pride and wit in your system.
days passed like the fast flipping empty pages of my supposed-to-be manuscript. the nearly tangible graduation dream is slowly melting back to its dream form. i just had a dreamy day.

i thought i heard my father speak gibberish after eating a couple of fried fish. i was busy organizing my thoughts when words like migration, palawan trip and law school emerged from the pool of verbal chaos.

my father insisted that i go to law school immediately after graduation. yes, i still have the i wanna be a lawyer someday dream, but it is not sufficient reason enough for me to pursue law after graduation. i am not ready. in the first place, i still have qualms of whether i should graduate on time or not; and now law school? come on. my father must not have realized the weight of studying law. my plan is to rest for a month and then work in an events company or ad agency then invest enough money for my future plans.

migration? i thought i just erased that from my dictionary? darn.
why, the word just made a comeback!

(a)politicalrelationship

i was about to finish making her campaign teasers when i got her message. i have no issue asking a tarpaulin from the alumni members of the organization for her campaign.
i will do everything to help her out in the elections not just because she is dear to me, but also because i knew that she was more competent and experienced than her opponent. i have sacrificed much to gain your her vote of confidence, so i see no point of doing anything that could make me lose her.
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the longer text message you send, the more that your message is prone to the overlapping subtexts and subjectivity over one’s set of ideologies.

virtual discourses (online chats and sms discourses) are not helping a bit in resolving issues that should be discussed personally. it was inevitable on my part to succumb to my failure to put up a decent personal conversation with my girlfriend. the irony hits me hard everyday. we were both communication majors, yet, we could not arrange an open discussion between us.
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peace, come take away the mixed guilt and fear from my heart. thanks to the break-up movie, i’ve learned that it’s not about doing things that she loves, but it’s about doing things with the person you love. at least, the stains of guilt of not satisfying my girl’s demands are buffered.
________________
all i want i for her is to be happy (and also healthy) at all times.
as much as possible, i tried to yield over her views, decisions and beliefs; but lately, i have realized that it impedes our growth as individuals in the relationship.
________________
the area of our common ground is slowly tearing away like puzzles that i have to search, pick up and put back together.
________________
the hypnotism of the dreamy ride of our carousel relationship makes me forget about thoughts of letting go of the ride.
________________
everyday, fate is testing the strength of our relationship by pushing us towards the verge of losing, but somehow we chose to hold on. i chose to hold on. i love her.
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playing on the background:
say it all
say it right
you either got it
or you don't

-say it right, nelly furtado

singaw

nakakakabag ang alimuom sa freedom park. ikaw na ang makalanghap ng hininga ng lupang nabilad sa nangungurot na araw matapos itong mapaliguan ng ulan. basa ka na nga ng ulan na pumasok sa klase, basa ka pa ng pawis paglabas. kung bakit ba kasi di maipaliwanag ang panahon sa elbi.
ikaw na ang mawalan ng panahong makaligo. meeting sa abs staff ng umaga, type ng letters at spiels bago mag-tanghali, magpapaalam sa mga estudyante sa klase, meeting sa cable operator manager sponsor, meeting sa mga traders ng fair, klase ng alas kwatro, meeting sa orgmates ng 530, meeting sa opisina para sa updates at pagplaplano sa fair, gagawa ng poster at teasers (na malalaman mo na lang, ire-reject pala ng staff ng network), tapos may magtatampo pa sa'yong girlfriend, tapos magdi-dinner kayo na parang di kayo magkakilala (pero magkasama kayo), tapos uuwi kayo ng sabay, tapos dadaan sa ministop para bumili ng cichirya habang pinag-uusapan niyo kung mag-aaral ba kayo o magpapahinga na lang muna, tapos mag-iinternet para burahin yung pinublish na poster sa isang site, tapos matatagalan ng kaunti kasi magba-blog pa, tapos mababawasan yung kaunting perang natitira para maka-survive hanggang biyernes, tapos magtatampo yung girlfirend, tapos manonood sandali ng tv, tapos matutulog, tapos.

write and live

it will be a great sin for humanity to write for all the people in the world.
to effectively write stories for children, you write for a specific person.
writing literature for children can be one of the best jobs in the planet because of the high royalty given to writers.

-these were just some thoughts i bagged from the read or die convention at the hotel intercontinental manila.
renowned children’s literature writer rene villanueva told his audience to be practical in thought to leave a mark in the world of literature. most writers fail to establish a mark because their pragmatic ideals stifle them from being genuine and true to their motives. professor villanueva inspired me to be rich by writing.

having only 200php at hand, all i could do was to fill myself with stories behind the people cloaked under the jedi costume, the geeks and book freaks roaming back and forth like roaches devouring every page of each book on-sale at the convention, the plastered smiles on the faces of the storytellers for children, the dilated eyes of the girl who serve free coffee at the lobby, the boy in backpack whose distorted reflection in the mirror resembled the image of manny pacquiao’s surreal post-boxing face.

the photos i submitted were taped on a panel in one of the booths inside the main hall. passers by would occasionally point fingers to some of my submitted photos but will then ignore it. people nowadays have short span of attention over things. it was difficult to determine if they have been inspired or moved by any of my photos.

it took me an hour and a half to decide whether i should purchase a book-on-sale at the convention. the lowest price i saw was 150php. i was caught in a dilemma of whether i should withdraw money from my atm account (which by the way only contains 500php for my whole month allowance) or just spend my cash at hand.

i was 200php richer when i went back to the venue of the convention. i rummaged the books on sale but the book i planned to buy was fished by some book-eater while i was away.

glorietta activity center served as my temporary refuge. the photoworld 2007 camera shows and exhibits veered my attention away from the books on sale. for a while, my fascination with photography was satiated after i saw and experienced various dslrs and cameras on display.

while on my way home, i decide to write something for my mother under high hopes that i could buy my own camera in the days to come.

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click on the image to view the photos i've submitted: