my fallen star

you will always be the star that completes my constellation.
your shine will always have its special place in my heart.
your burning passion kept me on track for almost a year and a half.

i promise, our stellar connection will never fade in the heavens.


catch you soon

chronobreak

we may not notice it, but since the first moment we became aware of the existence of time in our lives, we were already pulled inside its whirlpool of erratic and non-linear realm. this time realm is so powerful it affects and molds the way we live our lives and the way we built our civilizations.

our ancestors may have noticed the power and influence of time in their lives so they devised plans and theories to control it. no wonder the clocks and calendars were invented. the concept of the past, the present and the future were introduced to the world to set time boundaries. since then, everything that happened yesterday, will just be a part of the past and can never be altered. all that lies ahead are part of the future, and can change anytime.

the human frustration of breaking the complicated strands of time is evident in literature, television, media and the arts. who could have thought of breaking the space and time continuum by creating a time machine, if not for the wildest desires of our subconscious to deconstruct the conventional linear time frame of the past, the present and the future.

as many people in the world sings “if only i could turn back time…” with lene grawford nystrøm of the late 90’s band aqua, and as more people wanted to possess hiro nakamura’s power, my partner and i were having time issues of our own. our geographic and age disparity plays important roles in the budding pandemonium of our relationship. she studies in los baños, i work in quezon city.

my girl’s wish to be born two years earlier would often spark arguments from both our sides. she would point out the what-could-have-beens in our relationship if only our paths have crossed 2 years earlier in the gregorian calendar. my sporadic visits at los baños have become an issue to us, granted that we only have a few minutes or an hour to spare together. she was busy with the student council and her academics. she happened to have classes whenever i have the chance of visiting her, and i happened to be busy at work during those days when her schedule was free. fate has its ways of testing the potency of our relationship. i am very certain that time plays a big role in our trials.

i am optimistic that man could someday find ways to deconstruct and recreate time and space continuum; but as of now, when time appeared to be an irrevocable factor in the development of my life, i say that i stop worrying too much about managing time. we cannot really manage time. what we should do is to manage ourselves and make the most of the time that we have.

an hour, a minute or a second does not really matter if you spend it the way you like it.
an hour of kiss can have no difference from a minute of kiss, if the same amount of passion is present.
any moment spent without regrets and with self gratification is a moment that breaks away from the chains of the linear concept of time.

nang minsang humingi akong muli ng gatas

binigyan mo ako ng isang garapong amag. daan-daang piraso ng inaamag mong mga salita ang iniabot mo sa akin ng umagang iyon.

humingi lang naman ako ng gatas.

gatas na nagpapakalma sa umaalmang sikmura.
gatas na nagpapatahimik sa nagsisigawang isipan
gatas na humahagod ng init sa dibdib na nabalot ng lamig.

sabi mo, wala.

tumango ako sa pag-aakalang tapos ka na sa iyong pang-agahang litanya.
di mo na kailangang ulit-ulitin ang pagpapaalala sa mga panahong ipinagtitimpla mo ako ng gatas sa umaga. malinaw pa sa alaala ko kung papaano mo ako sinanay at tinuruang uminom sa baso. sa’yo ako natutong magtimpla ng gatas.

di mo na kailangang banggitin muli ang mali kong paghahalo ng gatas sa tubig at asukal. hindi mo na kailangang pansinin ang bawat direksyon ng pag-ikot ng kutsarita sa tasa.
tama ka. hindi naman ako kasing galing ng inaasahan mo. nalimutan mo na bang bona kid ako? hindi ako gifted child.

lumaki ako sa tinitimpla mong gatas tuwing umaga.
tama lang ang timpla mo noon. hindi gaanong matamis, hindi matabang.
pinalaki mo ako sa paniniwalang walang pinagkaiba ang gatas ni ina sa tinitimpla mong gatas.

Hindi nagtagal, napaso ako sa tinitimpla mong gatas.
madalas inaakala mong kilala mo na ang timpla ko pero nagkakamali ka.
ang tamis sa panlasa mo ay tabang na pala sa aking dila.
ang humahagod na init na sapat lang para sa iyo ay siyang init na kumukurot at lumulukot sa aking dibdib.

natuto akong magtimpla ng sarili kong gatas.
sarili kong timpla, sa sarili kong paghalo, sa sarili kong panlasa.

pinili kong tantsahin ang init at lasa ng gatas ayon sa aking kagustuhan.
ilang taon din akong hindi nanghihingi ng gatas mula sa iyo, kaya nagulat ako nang abutan mo ako ng isang garapong amag at pabilhin ng gatas sa tindahan. marahil matagal na nga nang huli akong manghingi ng gatas. hindi ko alam, kape na pala ang uso sa bahay. hindi ko man lang napansing kapeng barako na pala ang hilig mo. mas matapang, mas may tama, mas may dating kaysa gatas. hindi ko man lang namalayan na kape na pala ang tinitimpla mo. kapeng nagpapataas ng tensyon ng isipan. kapeng nanggigising ng natutulog na ulirat. kapeng nakakapagpamanhid ng damdamin.

objection

lately, i have received a number of text messages from my friends who seemed to take fancy of antagonizing boredom, blaming it for their sedentary and unproductive life.
life in this world may be short but the world itself is not that small to provide us avenues of possibilities to explore.

boredom has become a vain excuse for us to justify our disappointments to our idleness.

life is too short for us to get bored.

____________

condolences to the family and friends of my high school classmate justin daniel bataclan who died last thursday from 11 stab wounds. justin was a hero who defended his household from the claws of the faceless robber.

on the verge of hopelessness

if the air you breathe suffocates you with it's rotten fish smell,
you have two options:
you can either pretend that you hardly suffer suffocation, still breathe the air and act oblivious of your discomfort
or you can stop breathing and cease to exist.

dear parents

if you want to keep your children from lying to you, hear them when they tell you the truth.
please do make them feel that you believe them when they explain and tell you what they claimed to be the "truth."
please be sensitive enough to know when they are sincere in telling you their stories. do trust them when they say they will not do anything stupid.
you can tell it in their eyes if they lie.

bored

who the hell cares if mahal is the man (creature) behind kokey?


no, this is not mahal. this is mura, her male counterpart which also happens to be her look alike.