jaded

i was pretty sure i painted the verdant plains right on place.

my wife was positioned at the porch breastfeeding our newborn baby while overlooking our two sons playing with me in the garden. father and mother were discussing their plans of buying a new car and a new dslr camera for my sister abby who just started to venture in photography after setting up her new convenience store business.

each stroke painted sceneries of hope, visions of the future, and images of success. i was so drawn to the fascination of filling the spaces with green paint that i overheard my father’s sermon over the spills on the newly waxed wooden floor. the tone of his voice commanded me to look around and see the sporadic splashes of green paint on the white washed walls of our new apartment. paint drips entered the crevices on the floor and traced its irregular patterns creating a river-network of veins that started to cover a floor area of the apartment.

if not because of my father’s interruption, i would not feel the weight of the stiffened muscles on my neck and the contractions of my back and leg muscles. i was almost done painting my third cabinet when i realized the amount of emerald i’ve spilled over the floor. i never realized that i could make another one fourths of a bucket of paint with it to completely fill the crevices and cracks of the cabinet with hopes, visions and images of the future.

there’s no use ranting over spilled paint. despite the pessimistic air of my father's words, i managed to cover the cabinets with green pastures before the paint dried.

exposures: the post iblog3 entry

underexposed

the pictures from the slides all flashed their smiles, waved their hellos and showed their beauty to the audience. each image was telling its success story, but in a tone repressed by the nimbus clouds of the general blogging do’s and don’ts, blogging etiquettes and blogging tips.

i cleared my ear from the clutters of dust and dirt to better grasp the photo-blogging success story by mr anton diaz, but clearing my auditory passages did not help that much. my sense of sight, touch and smell all focused on the presentation, but mr diaz’s success story was overpowered by the slides about the technicalities on blogging, which were already discussed on the previous talks by the other speakers.

mr diaz’s encouraging idea of presenting the “good things” of the philippines made me think if that’s his key to success as a photo blogger; but seeing only a slide solely dedicated to photography made me think otherwise.

i raced the early morning traffic filled with smog to catch mr diaz’s photo blogging success story at 9:20 in the morning not knowing that i will be filled with more blogging do’s and don’ts homily.

ironically, mr diaz’s photographs could have said more about using photographs in addressing social issues, about how photographs could effectively reflect the various faces of the society and about how photographs could inspire people to change.

i personally admire mr diaz’s photography. his presentation showed me the smallest spark of inspiration to succeed in photo blogging. i was thankful of that spark, no matter how small it may be, simply because it fuelled my hope that i could be a successful photo blogger someday.


balanced exposure

i remembered how my frozen nerves were defrosted by dean alfar’s inspiring talk about literary writing and blogging. the up college of economics auditorium’s low temperature did not stop mr dean alfar to deliver his presentation about why we should keep a blog and continue blogging. his eloquence as a writer and as a speaker entertained the audience for a while, taking them away from the soporific atmosphere of the auditorium.

another entertaining topic discussed at the iblog3 event was blogging as alternative publishing for comic book creators discussed by mr jonas diego. mr diego presented the topic in such a way that almost every comic book lover at the auditorium would want to make their own comic books and publish it on their blogs.

in fairness to the organizers, the topics included in the iblog3 can cater to most of the audience, despite some technical talks that can best be appreciated by the pro-bloggers.


overexposed

having lunch with shari, jeff, moses, jhed, aaron,rens, mike, ian, thysz, janin and other bloggers for two days was one of the highlights of my iblog3 experience. meeting my fellow bloggers in flesh and bone was a totally different experience than communicating with them online.

despite the information overload about blog niche, blogging etiquettes, blogging do’s and don’t’s, blogging profit, and professional blogging, the post event night-out with moses, jhed, hener, ian, aaron, mike and billycoy broke the urband legend about bloggers; that bloggers are all a bunch of computer nerds and geeks who lacks social skills.

generally, the event did ok. the topics were interesting, though the organizers could have provided the participants separate venues for separate topics of their interests. doing so could lessen the need for caffeine inside the auditorium. the speakers could also have the opportunity to direct their talk to their audience, which could also encourage better participation.

iblog3 was a proof that the blogging industry in the country was something that should not be taken or granted. the power of the blogger as the master of the communication process should be acknowledged by the prime movers of the country. iblog3 is one of the many reasons why i am a proud pinoy blogger.

i just hope that next time, the participants who signed up online would show up and tell the blogging community that they were human beings, not just some virtual persona.

*****
more iblog3 photos here

sunday, distortion and exclusivity

i remembered the fleeting chill of trance that climbs my spine each time i find myself amidst the pool of people who claimed to be jesus freaks. with eyes closed and arms raised in the air, they chant their prayers and sing their hymns to god as if they were in ecstasy.

the dim lights, the live band, and the speeches of tongues all enveloped me with the defamiliarized feeling of weirdness as i faced the huge j-e-s-u-s letters posted near the platform area in front.

every week, for almost a year, the jesus freaks would welcome me with their template of embracing arms and flashy smiles. belongingness was their initial concern to the new members of their crowd. hospitality is an unwritten sop (standard operating procedure) to every member, so getting along with them was never a problem.

christian, was such an overused word by the crowd. almost everyone claimed to be one. i, for instance, thought that i am a christian (since i am a believer of christ) not until my cell leaders in the christian group told me that i have to be baptized to be a full-fledged one, else, i will never be saved. crap. that was it. i’m done with them.

i was a college freshman then when i first realized the presence of exclusive christianity. how foolish of me to think loosely of the term christian as a general notion for all christ believers in the world. how can i be so naïve with the born again christians and the other christian sectarian groups when as far as my memory could remember, i had encountered most of them doing house and community visits?

aside from their very political nature, i had nothing hostile against the born again christians. in fact, their ability to get their audience involved in their mystical and spiritual acts was far more superior to the roman catholic church. their pastors’ homily and preaching mostly touches everyday experiences where the audience can easily relate.

earlier, i’ve attended the easter sunday mass on our parish chapel, together with my mother and my sister. nothing much has changed since my last visit a year ago, except that the air was well conditioned. most children still run and scream along the aisles, most of the youth still do chat with their friends either virtually or personally, most husbands and housewives would still snatch occasional naps while the ceremony advances. the homily of the priest delved deeper on the biblical and historical aspects of the gospel. three fourths of his homily was spent preaching about the pharisees, the scribes and the sadducees. come on, the people did not come to mass to receive bible lessons. instead of sharing the implications and the lessons of the gospel that can be useful to the spiritual and material lives of the people, most roman catholic priests would preach the gospel as if in verbatim with the biblical texts.

i can’t help but compare the difference between the organizational set-up of the born again christians (bac) from the roman catholics (rc). first, pastor priests of bac groups would focus their homilies on tangible examples related and close to the experiences of their crowd. in that way, they could effectively get their audience involved, therefore having the higher tendency of retention and action. most rc priests are still very orthodox in their nature of preaching. the first few minutes of the homily were usually spent reviewing biblical passages related to the gospel, then the priest will proceed to the do’s and don’ts of every christian.

focus and order during the holy mass was another aspect overlooked by the rc church. the bac prevented distractions from the noises of screaming children in tantrums, from the running toddlers and from the crying babies, by providing a separate sunday service schedule for children. the bac have categorized their prayer and preaching activities specialized for the children, the youth, and the adults. by doing so, the preaching of the pastor could easily adapt to the audience, unlike in the rc mass where priests have to address their homily to the general audience.

the separation of the audience in the bac provides the sect to freely exercise their creativity in their teaching and prayer sessions. the bac would usually have live bands, talent shows and guest celebrities in their sessions to attract more audience. the rc, on the other hand, can also have live bands during mass, but i doubt the elders of the church would allow that to happen.

both religions have christ as their focal point. they only differ in their approach and mode of presentation of the religion.

you have to be baptized to be saved, that’s the belief of the bac group that gave me the awkward feeling of exclusivity. aside from hearing “we must conquer the muslims” from one of their prayer meetings, the fact that the politics in their nature have appeared more evident to my perception made me skeptic about them.

i am a rc by birth. i am baptized under the rc church and have learned some of the rc’s teachings and history. what makes rc unique from other religion is its lenience to its members regarding their non compliance to its laws. the most obvious punishment is perhaps the abstract punishment of hell, which, nowadays have less effect on most rc members.

one of the reasons i saw why rc is still the religion who holds the most number of followers in the world was its seemingly free religion front. it appears as if everybody can be a catholic. many people were catholic by birth, and therefore called themselves rc christians only by name, not by practice.

over the years, the deterioration of the rc church’s credibility increased the rate of bac converts. the bac’s ability to get their members involved in their teachings and preaching, made them an emergent religion that could offer order from a distorted view of christianity.

this was the aftermath of my disappointment from the mass i attended. maybe i just missed the feeling of trance and ecstasy that elates spirituality that transcends beyond the layers of my spine. my soul is hungry for that experience that makes me feel the presence of an abstract spiritual being.

blck

(russian state big academic chorus playing on the background)

father starts his early morning homily in black boxers:

thou shall not act like a glutton, fasting is encouraged

thou shall not carry heavy tasks for the lord is dead

thou shall not be vain

thou shall not take a bath after 3pm, the holy hour

thou shall not speak of evil

you hear the chants of your home economics teacher way back in highschool on a sudden flashback that played on your mind as you smell the steam coming from your mother’s soot-coloured squid soup.

“hel meri full of grace di lurd is wed yu…”

you suddenly recalled the choppy prayers of the child sitting beside you in the church last palm sunday

“hail- mary full of grace the lord… is medium…amen.”

your sister leaves her barbie doll sets scattered across the floor where stacked boxes of packed clothes and kitchen wares are resting.

mother yells out for meal.

father orders his family to go to mass.

sister sets the table and breaks a plate.

father opens the tv after meal.

“si kristo ay gunitain, sarili ay inhain…
hanggang sa siya’s lumaki…hangggang sa siya’y lumaki.”

sings your sister.

mother emerges from the bathroom drying her jet black hair.

father cuts his fingernails during the mass as convent nuns sing their hymns of praise.

sister takes a bath on 4 pm.

mother brings home glasses of chowking halohalo grande and kfc chicken meals.

you see the valiance of leonidas against the army of the golden xerxes.

you meet with a high school friend at country style where you find yourself caught between the conflicts of her romantic relationship with her boyfriend.

next scene you find yourself draining your bladder drums when a six-footer guy wearing a huge polo stand beside you and offered you an indecent proposal.

father cooks *laing for dinner.

sister silently cusses over dinner.

you eat the remaining squid soup for the day.

mother washes the dishes.


__________________
* laing: a delicacy of the bicol region where gabi leaves and roots were cooked with
gata (coconut milk) and spices.

last monday mourning greeting

“hindi ka laude? sayang lang ang pag-uwi ko.”

(you are not a cum laude graduate? my trip was just a waste)


that was the most emotionally felt greeting he received from his mother after several years of fetching her from the airport.

the words were powerful enough to pierce and open his happiness-coated heart that opened the doors to his own season of lent.

the impact hit him harder than the carousel slaps of the flashbacks of what-could- have-been-but-nots in college.

the greeting even surpassed his disappointments when his atm card was captured by the atm machine and when he learned that his mother bought his sister a new phone.

it was as if the words cum laude were the sole measure of his worth as a student.

true enough, numerical grades and academic recognitions could be the only tools for an overseas working mother to gauge the academic performance of her child. all the leadership achievements and the extra-curricular activities were often placed behind the background. the various factors affecting the academic performance of the student were often taken for granted.

little did his mother know that the only privilege of suma/magna/cum laude graduates from the rest of the students during graduation was the seat provided to them by the university administrators.





***************************
pre grad post

let me share with you the consequences of having the privilege of a free graduation picture package

figure 1: sablay shot. wearing the extra large-sized barong that made me look like a glutton government official

figure 2: reality-tv contest audition reject

figure 3: pose of the soon-to-be corporate slave (not!)